Whereas I am not what I consider a senior citizen, I am a middle-aged, divorced women of only three short years. I also was not a young mother, my twins just turned 20, however when their father and I separated when they were Sophomore’s in High School thus, I believe I have some insight into this topic.
Of course, there is also a big difference between a 51-year-old beginning to date again, and that of an 80-year-old parent, especially if they are a widow or widower. There are some commonalities that if you sit down and put yourself in your parent’s shoes, you would be able to navigate your way through this very weird new normal.
Often, if you reflect on your life, the answer you seek is there in plain sight, so let us time travel for a few minutes. When you were growing up and just beginning to date, how did your parent(s) manage that new world, did you ever date someone your parent(s) did not believe was right for you, treated you poorly, or simply did not like? How did that make you feel, did you wish they would have been more supportive?
Chances are, that person, the one they knew was all wrong for you, has come and gone and they were spot on! That does not change the fact that you still wanted them to allow you to make your own decisions, including mistakes, because after all, your 16-year-old self knew far more than they possibly could. As an adult, you are or have raised your own children, and realize your parent(s) knew you better than you thought, and ultimately, they always had your best interest in mind.
It is a parent(s) innate need to protect, you know, the mamma/pappa bear thing kicks in. Regardless of a parent(s) need to protect you, what they also knew was that you were not going to heed their warning, especially with matters of the heart. What likely unfolded instead, was they were there to pick up the pieces of your broken heart, remind you that you are loved even if so and so moved on, and that in this vast world, there is someone who is the Ying to your Yang.
I would even venture to speculate, that there is more than one person on planet earth, or closer to home, in my case, the Dallas/Fort Worth area, that will fulfill our longing to share our life with another.
The biggest difference between me dating in my 50’s and a parent that has lost the love of their life dating is this. It was of utmost importance to me to ensure that my kids were emotionally okay, but after all they were still teenagers.
If your 80-year-old parent is dating, they raised you, handed the parenting baton off long ago, and do not expect to take your feelings into consideration on this matter. They have far greater things to worry about, like their health, the grief and loneliness they continually feel, and how to even date at during the last third of their life? What they need from you is what you needed when you first began dating all those years ago!
They need your love, support and understanding, just like you needed theirs. I mean let us consider this, they cannot have an unexpected pregnancy, something that they were terrified about when you began to date. If you have lost a parent, the remaining one is not being unfaithful, they are lonely and desperately attempting to fill the many lonely hours of their lives.
Ultimately all any parent wants is for their child, regardless the age to be happy and healthy. As the tables turn, keep reminding yourself of that, offer the same consideration to them, and imagine what being alone twenty-four hours a day must feel like. If you can do that, I believe your unchecked emotions will sort themselves out.
